What’s wrong if you’re not chosen?

…is what I always ask myself whenever I realise that things did not go the way I wanted it, because it was not meant for me, or simply because I was meant to learn something from it.

You put your heart and soul into doing one thing, you put your best foot forward, you strive and pray for it, however at the end of the day, there will be only one person who will be rewarded with the pot of gold, the lucky winner, the only chosen one.

Imagine Cinderella has a friend named Hopefella who’s always there for Cinderella whenever she needed someone to talk to about the maltreatment of her sisters.A friend who’s always at Cinderella’s side and never ceases to encourage her to not surrender, Hopefella herself has her own personal pain and grief as she is also going through the same difficult situation with her master. But at the end of the fairytale, the Fairy Godmother can only give one pair glass of shoes for one person to find happiness and everlasting love. She only came for Cinderella and no one else.

Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever felt like something kind of belongs to you but you can’t have it?

I can empathise with you. I know how it feels…. because I’m always second choice.I’m never first with anything… and it gets harder everyday.

There are some things I want to share, true stories of my (not so pleasant) experiences of life. Things that get me and pull me down to..somewhere.

I don’t think my stories below are any different from yours..

During my childhood days, I was that kind of person who’s always looking for a special attention from my family, friends and schoolmates. Unfortunately no one except my parents paid special attention to me.

But even though I know that my parents love me, as a child sometimes I felt that they really don’t care about me much. I have three brothers and I feel that they are always catered to and favoured compared with me.

Perhaps it was because I wasn’t that cute, cheerful, adorable child people like to pinch. Perhaps it’s because I was dark skinned, maybe I was naughty, or maybe because I was too shy and insecure.

My childhood friends don’t call me whenever they plan to play “patintero”(tag game).

They would call on me only because they’re missing one player. Most of the time

I’d just be standing on the side of the street watching while they continue playing forever.

Sometimes we’d watch a movie together and then we’d play the characters in the movie we’ve just seen. They wouldn’t allow me to play the hero though and always I’d be the bad guy who gets up and starts beating the main character.

I always do my best work at school but I was never good enough or smart enough to be a favourite pupil.

Whenever our teacher would ask us to form ourselves in groups, I sometimes pity myself because my friends (even my seatmate! who I talk to most of the time) don’t seem to want to group with me. I’d find myself either alone, or in a group that lacked a label. I had very few friends. I’ve spent a lot of time in a secluded corner with the unpopular kids… kids like me that are sometimes picked on and teased, or otherwise ignored.

When 6^th grade came around, things changed a bit when I became part of the volleyball varsity in our school. Our team made our way up to the district level competitions and I was chosen to be part of the final team that goes to the final level. Or so I thought because my coach disagreed. I thought I was going to make my big debut at volleyball, but that day became the collapse of my sports career.

I didn’t get any Merit badge or any award during my scouting days because I didn’t belong to a higher troop.

I was aiming for a 1^st place award in Metal Crafting competition we had in school. I’ve put so much and time and effort into mastering every detail of the piece that we will make in the event only to be told that I’d have to be disqualified because of an accident cut in my hand during the competition. I almost fell apart, nothing is more frustrating than that.

I’m highly unsure on what exactly was going on and oftentimes I’d ask myself is this what real life is all about?

Am I that clumsy and un-attentive that I always make the same basic mistake every single time?Is it because of my appearance that I’m never a personal favourite among my friends? Perhaps because I cannot afford anything to share to others so I can make more friends.Or maybe because of the slight speech deficiency I had which was a very obvious flaw in my character?

I continued to ask God what this all means.

Why am I always rejected.

Why am I always the one left behind..

the person not chosen ?

I have come away sometimes with wonderful ideas, but I’m more easily ignored

I have some good thoughts and suggestions, but no one seem to be interested.

For most people my best was never good enough

I tried so hard to get noticed, but I’m still the invisible one.

I’ve tried to reach out and care..but there’s no one there

Is there something wrong with me?

I’ve loved someone who didn’t love me and I’ve loved someone who’s loved me at one time but couldn’t sustain her feelings because she thinks there’s a far better person than me. I’ve experienced the latter twice.

One prayed for a sign from heaven that whoever does something first is the one.

One thought I’m childish and not emotionally mature enough to handle a relationship.

Is this really my lot in life, to constantly love people who can’t love me ?

When Pope John Paul II visited the Philippines the second time around, I remember my father and I were watching TV about the event. There was a segment in the TV program where a girl was being interviewed and was introduced as the child whom the Pope carried during his first visit to the Philippines.

My father remembered something when the name of our hometown (Villamor Air Base) where Pope John Paul plane first landed, was mentioned. He said he was there too, and he was one among those parents holding their child up in the air as if in offering toward the Pope. In Catholic tradition, the Pope is expected to carry one child and it will be a beautiful blessing.

My father told me I was the child he was carrying. The Pope stopped in front of my father and stretched out his arms, and as my father lowers me down towards him he realised the Pope shifted his body and chose to carry the child beside me.

Now let me say this again…Why not me?

I’m only human, I can’t help but dream that one day I’ll be loved so much that I’m the one that is chosen. I want to be loved for my flaws and my oddness, unconditionally and unwaveringly.

What’s keeping my hope alive right now is the thought that with God and my prayers, I know those whishes will come true.

God is the one who showed me wonderful ideas, that’s why I listen to him.

He teaches me good thoughts, that’s why I follow him.

He reaches out to me and I’m holding his hands so tight.

He’s doing His best for me, that’s why I’m doing my best to share His love and a lot of my heart to other people no matter who they are.

In the story of Abraham (Genesis 21: 1-32), when God promised that Abraham will become the father of all nations he was confused because his wife Sarah is in old age and can no longer become pregnant. But God told Sarah that she will bear a child and told Abraham to name it Isaac. But before Isaac born Abraham had a child named Ishmael from Sarah’s slave named Hagar. Sarah was worried that Ishmael would try to lay claim to Isaac’s inheritance and told Abraham to drive out the slave and her son out of their land. Abraham didn’t like Sarah’s idea but God told to Abraham to listen to his wife because it is Isaac who is the one who will bear his seed.

In this story you will see that Isaac is the chosen one, but God told Hagar not to be afraid and worried because He will take care of them and will make a great nation out of Ishmael’s descendants.

A similar story is in Genesis 48:17-19, when Jacob gave his blessings to his son Joseph, Ephraim and Manasseh. When Joseph saw that his father has laid his hand upon Ephraim, he was not pleased, and he tried to take hold up his father’s hand to remove if from Ephraim’s head to Manasseh’s head for he was his first born.

But Jacob refused and said: “I know it, my son, I know it. He too will become a people and he too will become great. But, just the same, his younger brother will become greater than he will, and his offspring will become the full equivalent of nations.”

There’s a lot of stories in the bible confirming that the ones that are not chosen are blessed by God as well. Jeremiah 29: 11 “for I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

The ones that are not chosen may not be the top employees in their company, but they are winners in the hearts of their colleagues, friends, and their family.

So what’s wrong if I’m not chosen?

Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad?

I really shouldn’t be.

Because I know within me, that I’m not alone. Although I’m rejected by people, I know that someone out there is willing to choose me, even if we don’t choose Him, even if we push him aside. He wouldn’t leave us alone even though we have to endure many trials in our lives.

He knows how it is to be rejected and not chosen but his understanding is much more than man’s foolish understanding.He is Jesus Christ our lord, our God. Remember he died for us just to save our sins, to make us free, and be connected again to God, our big boss in heaven.

Just continue to hold to your faith and be fervent in your prayers.Do not fret at all that’s happening around and believe that God will make a way for your time to shine.

In the meantime,I do not mind not being chosen…

I do not want to let my head get in the way of my heart. I want to be so humble and childlike that God can use me as He wishes.

I am willing to be weak and without a will of my own, if this all means just submitting myself to the righteousness of God and letting His will be done in my life.

——

I dedicate this piece to the loving memory of my friend Ms Ai (Aileen Betic.)…you will never be forgotten, may the Lord watch over your soul. My heart goes out to the rest of her family and friends. Stay encouraged because she is with the Lord.

Uncategorized |